Prop 8 on My Bumper

I'm not a big fan of bumper stickers. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy reading about your honor student as much as the next person. Your views on war, beef, the Earth and the exact location of your mother-in-law all make for a riveting read. Some stickers give me a genuine chuckle ("If you can read this, I've lost my boat"), while others cause me to slow down, lock the doors and change lanes immediately ("Nuke the unborn baby whales"). It's amazing what you can learn from a bumper sticker. According to one I saw recently, I am crunchy and taste good with catsup, and therefore should not meddle in the affairs of dragons. Then again, perhaps this sticker reveals more about the driver than about me.

Indeed, as a medium for revealing one’s character and opinions to others, bumper stickers are amazingly effective. But I’ve never been at ease revealing my character and opinions to people with whom I have only traffic patterns in common. Besides, I still owe money on my bumper (it keeps company with a late-model hybrid engine); defacing it for the purpose of informing strangers that “I ‘heart’ my Chihuahua” just doesn’t sit right with me. I once considered creating my own bumper sticker that says “I am unwilling to deface my bumper,” but actually adhering it would raise my irony barometer to a level I’m frankly uncomfortable with. So, the few bumper stickers I’ve owned have found their voice in remote locations like the inner flap of a notebook or the far side of my refrigerator.

Until now.

In keeping with the nature of bumper stickers, the one newly displayed on my yet-to-be-paid-off bumper reveals a few things about me. It reveals that, as a parent, I wish to decide when and how to discuss sexual orientation with my children. When the time comes for that discussion, I wish for the freedom to speak in a manner consistent with my beliefs, one of which is to be kind to everyone. And if I disagree with something taught in my children’s schools, I wish to claim my right to opt out. The sticker also reveals that, as a churchgoer, I wish for no tenet of my faith to be at odds with state law. I wish for churches to be able to freely practice what they preach, without the likelihood of lawsuits and the loss of their status as non-profit, charitable organizations. I wish for churches to be unhindered in their humanitarian efforts locally and around the world. One proposition on the ballot this November holds the power to grant or deny these wishes.

I once saw a bumper sticker that claimed, “Bumper stickers are not the answer.” I agree. They’re never big enough to give a complete picture of any serious issue. For example, my friends who oppose the message on my bumper display the phrase “equality for all” on theirs. We all want that. But I believe a more accurate slogan would be: “Equality for all in marriage, but not in the free exercise of religion.” I’m no market analyst, but I don’t see that one selling well at all.

If the following bumper sticker were available, I would seriously consider displaying it: “Society rewards all couples committed to each other for the long-term. Ever since domestic partnerships were enacted in California in 2000, their scope has continually expanded until the rights they grant are now essentially indistinguishable from the rights granted by California traditional marriages. Equality is not the issue.” But then I’d have to trade my hybrid for a tank. No tanks.

Right now, when you pull up behind my loan-encumbered little bumper, you’ll read the words “YES on Prop 8.” After the election is over, no matter the outcome of this proposition, I will remove my sticker and rejoin the throngs of anonymous drivers who are entertained, outraged and inspired by the bumpers around them. One bumper sticker I hope I never see is this: “I miss my parental rights and religious freedom.”